I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
