you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
