guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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