There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
