just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
