Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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