when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
