I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
foreskin is a definite game changer
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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