Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
