I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
