Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
