I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
