Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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