I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
