Barsexuality is the new black.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
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thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
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In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize