some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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