In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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