CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
