the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
