I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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