Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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