a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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