Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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