Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Randomize
