I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
