you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
