i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize