his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
