You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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