The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
