I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize