Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you didnt know i had herpes?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
