Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
