My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
