Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
