Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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