Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
