The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
