Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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