I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
