Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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