Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize