distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
