my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
