it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
