Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
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I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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