Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
