is your mom at the bar?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
