So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
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You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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