And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
