Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
