the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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