Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
