omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
