i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
