I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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