What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
