She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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