Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
