So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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