I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize