3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
