WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
