Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
