Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
