i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize