is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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