Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
