my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
