just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
