If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
