hell yes lets make some ravioli
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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