Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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